Why doesn’t my girlfriend want me to touch her body?
Friday, April 13, 2018
Whenever I try to touch her, she moves away or makes excuses. Why is she doing this?
I am happily married. My husband touches me, a lot, and it really gets on my nerves. Although I love him dearly, he acts as if my body is “his”. Whenever he walks by me, he slaps my ass or grabs my boobs. It doesn’t matter if I’m doing the dishes, cooking dinner, working on the computer, etc.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s annoying. I want body autonomy. I don’t want someone touching me constantly. Just because someone is a significant other, doesn’t mean they want to constantly be touched. I just generally am not a touchy-feely person. I’m not crazy about my 7-y-o daughter climbing all over me and constantly hanging on me either. Being touched all of the time feels invasive, aggressive, and sometimes predatory. It’s not fun. My body is my own. Regardless of who this other person is to you, how long you’ve been with them, etc….their body is their own! Do not just touch people without knowing that it’s ok!
And, in my opinion, it isn’t sensual. In fact, constant unwanted touch accomplishes just the opposite: out of context, it just becomes a constant annoyance. I’ve had my boobs grabbed so often that it’s erased any pleasure there once might have been. Now I just feel like protecting myself from constant, unwanted touching.
I love my husband but I hate that he constantly grabs me, slaps my ass, sticks his hands under my clothes, etc. It feels disrespectful. It feels entitled. It isn’t cute or sensual or intimate.
Now, if we’re being sexual, that’s different. In that case touch is part of that experience, and in that moment it’s wonderful. But when my mind is on something else, I’m focused on work or childcare or domestic chores or reading a book or watching something or taking a walk or otherwise going about my day…that is a different story. It’s not an enjoyable experience. Don’t assume it’s ok to just grab, manhandle, and touch another person. It’s invasive, disrespectful and annoying.
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